How to understand the client that his work with the psychotherapist is effective?
Psychotherapeutic work sometimes lasts years, and customers are not always able to understand: is there any progress? After all, not all transformations are perceived by them as changes for the better. How to understand the client that everything is going as it should? The opinion of Gestalt therapist Elena Pavlyuchenko.
“Clear” therapy
In those situations where the client comes with a specific request – for example, to help resolve the conflict or make a responsible choice – to evaluate the efficiency of work quite easily. The conflict is resolved, the choice is made – it means that the problem is solved. Here is a typical situation.
A woman who has problems with her husband comes to me: they cannot agree on anything, quarrel. She worries that love, it seems, is no longer and, perhaps, it’s time to get divorced. But still wants to try to establish relationships. At the first meetings, we study their interaction style. It works a lot, and in a rare free hours it meets friends. She misses, tries to pull him out somewhere, he refuses, referring to fatigue. She is offended, makes a complaint, he is angry in response and even wants to spend time with her.
A vicious circle, recognizable, I think, by many. And so we analyze the quarrel with her after a quarrel, try to change the reaction, behavior, find another approach, in some situation to meet her husband, thank something, discuss something with him … The husband notices the changes and also takes steps to meet him. Gradually, relations become more warm and less conflict. With the fact that it is still impossible to change, she humbleds and learns to do constructively, but otherwise, sixty percent of sixty considers her request to be satisfied and completes therapy.
When not everything is clear.
A completely different story if a client comes with deep personal problems when something needs to be seriously changed in himself. It is not easy to determine the efficiency of work here. Therefore, it is useful for the client to know the main stages of deep psychotherapeutic work.
Typically, the first 10-15 meetings are perceived as very effective. Starting to realize how the problem that prevents him from living is arranged, a person often feels relief and enthusiasm.
Suppose a man addresses me with complaints about burnout at work, fatigue and unwillingness to live. For the first few meetings, it turns out that he is not at all able to defend and promote his needs, that he lives, serving others – both at work and in his personal life. And specifically – everyone goes towards, agrees with everything, does not know how to say no and insist on his own. Obviously, if you do not care about yourself at all, exhaustion
occurs.
And now, when the client understands the reasons for what is happening to him, sees the general picture of his actions of their and consequences, he is experiencing an insight – so it is! It remains to take a couple of steps, and the problem will be solved. Unfortunately, this is an illusion.
The main illusion
Understanding is not equal to the solution. Because to work out any new skill, you need efforts and time. It seems to the client that he can easily say “no, I’m sorry, I can’t do it/and I want like this!”, Because he understands why and how to say! But he says, as usual: “Yes, dear/of course, I will do everything!” – and is madly angry with himself for this, and then, for example, unexpectedly breaks into a partner … But there really is nothing to be angry with!
People often do not understand that it is no easier to master a new way of behavior than, for example, to learn how to drive a car. Theoretically, you can know everything, but get behind the wheel and pull the lever in the wrong direction, and then do not fit into the parking lot! A long practice is required to learn how to coordinate its actions in a new way and bring them to such automatism, when driving ceases to be stress and turns into pleasure, and also safe enough for you and others. The same with mental skills!